2012 wrap up

There is nothing quite like ending a year with a bit of closure.  For me 2012 was a year where great strides were taken, and some issues came back after I thought I knew better.

I learned that my heart worked perfectly fine.  I learned that I could love other people's children as if they were my own.  I dug deep and tried to mentor, to set a good example, especially if that meant standing my ground for positive values and ethics...even under considerable fire. I loved so deep that I thought my heart was going to burst in two, then loved some more. I loved angry kids, troubled kids, cuddly kids, and shy ones.  Most importantly I learned how to navigate the difficult terrain of loving a child who is incapable of love.  That one was no picnic, and I shed many tears, but learning of an other's emotional shortcomings rarely comes without facing some tough emotions in your own right.

I learned a great deal about personality disorders this year.  I learned as much as I could, but was still reeling when a beautiful soul decided to take her own life.  No matter how much I read, I could never understand what she felt.

There were many ethical issues that I had to navigate through this year.  I had to learn how to say "no" quite effectively in both work and personal circles.  I had to remind myself of the diplomacy skills that I hold dear to my heart.  I was surrounded by people with grossly different political views from mine, from Washington state onwards.  I bit my lip so hard so many times as I let others speak, but made sure not to let them speak for me.

I learned a lot of things.  I put my money where my mouth is and wasn't a dreaded "talker."  I dug in dirt, built gardens, edited video, bottle fed baby animals, and fixed a car.  I returned to teaching for a brief reminder of the power of sharing knowledge. It was a hands on kind of year.

I made a lot of great recipes this year.  My stomach ruled 2012.  I went well out of my way to tamper with tried and true recipes and make them suitable for others with intolerance. I remembered old friends like molasses cake and Irish soda bread, and maintained the continuum that food creates in our lives.

I was very kind to animals this year, caring for numerous creatures of all sizes and temperaments.  One such memory is of rescuing a horse from a hail storm.  The look in the horse's eyes was unforgettable, it is burned into my soul.. I fell in love with the intelligence that animals display, if you bother to watch.

I returned to old friends to remind them that they are forever in my heart.  I told them that they are worth traveling for.  I logged many miles to remind people that they are unforgettable.

I had to learn how to deal with another person's addiction this year.  It is a touchy issue that I had to revisit. Finding the balance between having empathy for an other's choices, and enabling those choices was a very fine line to make. It was also a matter of quality of life for myself.

I took considerable risk this year.  I went out into the unknown, simply because I knew it was time.  I had to find courage, and believe in myself.

So as I sit looking forward into the new year, I see several areas where I can do better this year.  More experiences that I would like to have in my life, and qualities that I want to nurture in my own person...but more on that later.